Updated: Mar 7, 2019
by Meredith Nathan, LMT
Trying to make a baby? Sounds like fun! You start with the exciting decision that it’s time. You throw your previous precautions to the wind, pull the protection, and get down to business. First month no dice? No problem - that just means there’s more time to practice. Second month is still a no go? That’s alright - third time’s a charm!
But after three months you’re still looking at a defeatist stick with a ‘Not Pregnant’ sign. Starting to get a bit frustrated, you decide to be more intentional. Cycle tracking apps on your phone, ovulation predictor kits, and basil body temperatures rule the day. But several months later, you’re still not pregnant.
Your doctor tells you you’re well within the range of normal, and not to worry about it till you’ve been trying unsuccessfully for a year. You become obsessed with online chat rooms discussing the rare exotic fertility benefits of eating pineapple during a full moon. Sex is totally scheduled. And you’ve traded in post-coital cuddles for lying on your back with your legs in the air, even though thebump.com says this won’t actually help you get pregnant. It can’t hurt, right?
The twelve months pass. Now you’re in a Reproductive Endocrinologist's office with your partner receiving every test under the son. Various clinical approaches are being discussed that involve artificial hormones, daily injections, and reproduction involving petri dishes and insemination. Long gone are the fantasies that you might get pregnant on a romantic getaway somewhere in the Caribbean...
Sound familiar? The good news is that for most couples there is a baby waiting at the end of this fertility rainbow (even if it comes in the way you least expected). The bad news is you never imagined that making a baby could be so utterly un-sexy.
Going through fertility challenges is hard in many ways. It can be a source of feeling inadequate, depressed, and anxious. It can create money worries, and an obsession with the passing of time. And it can be hard on a marriage. What makes it even harder is losing the connection of physical intimacy through the process. Sex feeling like a chore, or worse yet a reminder of past disappointments, isn’t good for anyone.
During your fertility journey, be proactive in finding ways to keep the romance alive! Cook together, go on dates, and send each other flirtatious emails (yes, even when you’re NOT ovulating!) Get a blood-building massage (these sessions in our FEM protocol help with follicle production and uterine lining, but as a perk they tend to boost the libido as well), a couples massage, or better yet, practice giving each other massages. Hold hands, gaze into each other eyes, and tell your partner the thing you love most about them.
And know that weathering this storm together will ultimately make your relationship stronger, and your appreciation for the gift of family greater.